Flashbacks

The phone rings early this morning, it is a dear friend of mine, She said her and her two daughters are spending the day at the Northwest Washington Fair and they asked if Jessica could come too. What an honor. Being the eldest of 7, she rarely leaves the homefront as she stays with little ones when I run errands. This is a good thing as there will be a short time in her long life as she waits for another child to grow responsible enough to share this caregiving with her and things will loosen up.

We are not going to attend the Fair this year, the first time since having a family and the second time ever since being born 36 years. In Lynden the NWWF is a tradition, you know the cows by name(jk), you know a lot of the people by name, the rides, the smells, the dahlias, the memories, and many of your childhood friends are there...who also happen to be your relatives(again, jk, it's a Lynden joke - though not too far from the truth). As much as I would have liked to keep her all to myself(she helps me a LOT throughout the day and is my own personal cheerleader) I called Daddy and we decided this would be fun for her.

Off she hurried to dress and gather *stuff*. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I remember the summer I was 13. I remember my friends, my dress, my make-up. As I watched her fixing her hair just so, I remember the hairspray and the hairdryer I used to poof my hair, real 80's style, as high as it would go. Jessica threw her hair in a ponytail. I plastered make-up on, she grabbed a washcloth to wipe the goat-dirt off her face after mamma pointed it out. I had boys on my mind, she has fun with Christiana and Hannah on her mind. Man....God is so good. I still look at her amazed and intrigued at who she is. I would have made such fun of a girl like her..ok, I did.

God truly, truly takes the foolish...incredibly foolish things of this world and makes them wise. What a fool I am...I was....I am. God teaches me through his Word how to raise these children of His that He has so graciously given Paul and I. I can't bear to think what Jess's heart would look like had the Lord not intervened.

I have picked up my guitar again and we have been singing hymns more around the house. My favorite right now is Alas! and Did My Saviour Bleed (Same song as At The Cross - only the chorus was written later by another man) not the revised version in which they make it less offending...but the old version. I collected old, old hymnals and found the ending of the first line was originally wrote "For such a worm as I?" most hymnals today have changed that to "For sinners such as I?"

I guess calling ourselves worms is too degrading...too pointed? Everyone is a sinner, but don't call me a worm...that is too personal...there you are stepping on toes. Well, here is a confession...I am a worm. There is no good in me, I can produce no good, anything good that comes forth from my life is Christ and Christ only....or there may be actions that appear good, but my heart is in it to puff up my flesh...there is no good in me. Zip. I am but a worm saved by grace.

Sorry for all this rambling. Just watching Jessica getting ready for the Fair caused me to worship God. It effected my whole day. To God be the glory.

Alas! and Did My Saviour Bleed

Alas! And did my Savior bleed, And did my sovereign die?

Would he devote that sacred head, For such a worm as I?

Was it for sins that I had done, He groaned upon the tree?

Amazing pity, grace unknown,And love beyond degree!

Well might the sun in darkness hide, And shut its glories in

When God, the mighty maker, died, For his own creature’s sin.

But tears of grief cannot repay, The debt of love I owe;

Here, Lord, I give myself away: It’s all that I can do.